The Contentment Journal

I purchased this contentment journal a couple of months ago. I forced myself to buy it. To be honest, I’m not really a fan of contentment. I’m always thinking, “What’s next? What’s my next goal? What’s my next purchase? What is next?” That’s why I bought the silly journal. I am somewhat aware of my weaknesses, my “areas of opportunity.” I cracked open the little irritant and started responding to the prompts, pouring my soul out, trying to be content. But I’m really bad at it. I had been fooling myself, but now I was forcing myself to write about things that were going well, people I could depend on and goals that I had already accomplished. I slammed the book closed on some days, too much positivity. I am a problem-solving, goal-setting person. I had a future to plan, a vision board to create. This journal was trying to turn me into a more reflective, grateful person. So irritating. I took a breath. Really, Tanesha? I calmed myself down and wrote truthfully and thoughtfully. I am the sage advice giver, the calm guide, the forever mediator. I promise you that one day I’m going to take all the advice that I give. I began to soften a bit more. I turned another page. I wrote some more. I am making improvements. Contentment. We probably all need more of it every now and then. There are good things that have happened. There are good people who do good things. Miracles do happen. Maybe it is time for me to start purchasing flowers again and literally stopping to smell the roses. I have ambitions, but I also have accomplishments. I have goals, but I also have things that I have worked hard for, right in front of me. I have people who love me; that’s truly a gift. I already have a lot. I remember having a conversation with a former coworker years ago. She talked about her apartment and then the house she bought. Then she talked about wanting a bigger house in a better neighborhood. She was adamant. She said that she wasn’t going to stop until she got it. You know me. I had plenty of questions. Who is the house really for? What’s wrong with the house you have now? What about family time? How do you think they will feel if you are always at work? She didn’t like my questions. I didn’t like her answers. She went to work somewhere else. I don’t know if she ever got that McMansion, but I do know that we never discussed how spacious her apartment was or how safe the neighborhood was. We never discussed her first home, how the lighting fixtures illuminated the place or how the massive backyard provided space for the kids to play. It was always about what was next. Contentment. I was currently short on it now just as she was back then. As I wrestled with contentment, balancing aspiration and gratitude, I discovered a quote by Tony Gaskins that clarifies my thoughts, “To be content doesn’t mean you don’t desire more, it means you’re thankful for what you have and patient for what’s to come.”