Issues of the Heart

“Ladies, if you have to ask a man, so what are we or where is this relationship going? The answer is nowhere. Men by nature are hunters and go for what they want. If he wanted you to be his wife, he would have proposed. If he wanted you to be his lady, he would have asked you. Men go hard for what they truly want. If he is not going hard for you, you are not what he wants.” I wish I knew who wrote this. They deserve the credit. The statement was a gut punch, an aha, an epiphany on steroids. I don’t remember how many years ago I first came across this quote on social media, but it still resonates every time it pops up on my Timehop. Then I wonder was it a man or woman who shared these wise words? It shouldn’t matter. The words make you think. I am a Lifetime movie manic. I enjoy a good love story. It’s the stereotypical plot diagram that continues to draw me in. I’m the Rom-Com enthusiast. In real life, we don’t always know the ending. Love can be tricky. I’m definitely no expert when it comes to cupid’s arrow, but I think we all can share a few things based on our experiences. I think that first it is best to know what you want and what type of person are you looking for. Do you want something fleeting or do you hope to move toward something permanent? Have you predetermined that love has to be a certain height and have a certain look? Have you confined your connection to hoping to run into to him or her by chance one day? Perhaps on aisle 3 of the supermarket, adjacent to the pasta? So many possibilities. Just know what you want, what you are willing to accept and what avenues are open to meet your mate. “Cuffing season” — that’s what the kids call it. It is the time of the year when the chill is in the air and you hope to find a snuggle mate. Just don’t let that be just anybody. You have to be good with yourself, you have to enjoy your own company before you can invite someone into your space. Predators can sniff desperation a mile away. Be good with you before you seek a boo. Like the quote said, you shouldn’t have to guess. And there is no reason that there should be constant drama. Sometimes real relationships feel boring. You are doing normal things — dates, movies, walks in the park, not constant arguments and morphing into an amateur sleuth. In college, my co-worker provided me with an example of what a relationship should never be. She would leave work and drive thirty miles to go check on her “house.” One time I was riding with her and she decided to detour and drive to her home — just to make sure everything was okay. We went inside her home and she started plugging in wires and checking some device. She said that she had purchased surveillance equipment from Radio Shack so that keep an eye on her husband. Oh my goodness, Sherlock. If you have to do all that, it’s not worth it. That’s not a relationship, that was a daily interrogation. We have intuition, if we constantly feel something is off, it usually is. And if something is good, we should embrace it. Take one day at a time. If the person you are seeing has done nothing to cause concern, don’t invent something. If dates are constantly cancelled, promises are broken and the phone is a source of conflict, maybe move on. It’s cuffing season, your time is valuable.